I think I saw death today.

It didn’t look me in the eye, which was just fine by me. It wasn’t as scary as I might have expected, but then I hadn’t really been expecting to see anyone or anything when I looked in the mirror after my morning shower.

Truth be told, at first I laughed about how puny the thing was as it slipped away. Still, there’s no denying its ultimate power when all is said and done and there is nothing more we can do.

I hope I can still laugh down the road, however long that road might be.

B.J.

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Related posts are tagged AML if you’re interested.

Not having had to think about it much before, lucky guy that I am, I was surprised at how suddenly one’s plans can be wrecked by a cancer diagnosis.

While the initial news can be a stunner, you might learn at the same time that treatment can be promising and not as debilitating as you’re imagining. That’s the situation with my acute myeloid leukemia (AML).

My AML. What the hell. I do own it now, but it owns my schedule.

I’m almost through my first week of IV chemo and will soon get to go home for a few weeks of pills and relative normalcy. Maybe I’ll spend some time fishing, more time writing, and more time walking Red Dog along the river with Mrs. Smith.

It turns out I won’t be spending time as a member of our Urban Trails Committee because of my new, flexible schedule, and I’ve put my new role as an adult learning tutor on hold for the time being. So much for my retirement plans.

I’ll have more time to write.

Don’t be surprised if I write more about this new challenge as my family, friends and gaggle of experts help me along. Writing is how I cope. It helps me think. Maybe you’ll find some of the words and thoughts useful.

B.J.

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Related posts are tagged AML if you’re interested.

The past few weeks have been the most boring I’ve experienced, all of them wrapped around a few hours here and there marked by stifled emotions, passing disbelief, denial and even morbid fascination and curiosity.

We had just returned to Colorado from a trip to Iowa for RAGBRAI 50, where I struggled and had to call it quits after just 42 hilly miles on my road bike. It turns out anemia, falling hemoglobin and low platelet counts can really slow a body down.

I ended up in our local V.A. hospital when we got home. Within a few hours, I took my first ever ride in an ambulance when my V.A. care team referred me to a larger medical facility just a few miles away.

Late the following evening, another ambulance took me to our local airport. I was loaded on an airplane, flown to a Denver-area airport, then driven to UC Health in Aurora. It was midnight when I was wheeled into the room that I would occupy for the next several days.

That’s where the experts confirmed my new diagnosis: acute myeloid leukemia (AML).

Never heard of it. Not at all what I expected.

“It’s curable,” said the doctor. “That’s our goal.”

Well, OK then.

After seven days of IV chemotherapy, I’m back home for a few weeks, taking lots of meds to kill bad stuff inside of me and other meds to protect me as we destroy my immune system so I can get a new one.

Happy 70th birthday to me. As on every August 17, I’m happy to be here and a little surprised.

B.J.

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Related posts are tagged AML if you’re interested.