Did that tree make a sound?

Raise your hand if you believe a tree that falls in the forest makes noise even if no one hears it.

Now, raise your hand if you believe that writing a poem is worth the effort even if no one reads it.

Words from a work in progress

This is an excerpt from a work in progress that I read aloud to a group of local writers a few nights ago. I’m not sure what to make of their reactions. The story is about a couple who have three daughters and then adopt an orphaned nephew, about how he was orphaned, and about how the main characters adapt (or fail to adapt) to their new lives. The husband is telling the story. That’s about all the context I gave the group. You’ll be jumping in well after the story begins. What I usually most want to know is if you would keep on reading. Feel free to comment if you’re so inclined.

My mother always told me I was too broody for my own good. That was her term. I used to think she’d made it up until I looked it up in Merriam-Webster’s. She meant it in the non-chicken sense, I’m sure, although I suspect she first used it on the farm in her own youth to describe the hens that provided fresh, brown eggs for the family. With me, she meant it in the formal sense of being contemplative, with the emphasis on the second syllable, I suspect. Moody.

It was the same way I had come to think of Olivia in our short acquaintance. (I realize it’s a stretch to call it an acquaintance, but there you have it.) What else could an artist be but broody and soulful and deep, with passion lurking just below the calm, mirror-smooth surface? I had seen her smile only briefly when she plucked Billy from the restaurant. I wanted to see her do it again.

I slept until 9 a.m. and I knew it would be a good two hours later that morning before Margret and the kids would arrive. She would do her best to avoid the height of the morning rush hour traffic, so I had until at least 11 to indulge myself. Emilie had already taken up her spot by the pool.

This wasn’t the first time I’d let my fantasy life get the better of me, I have to confess. I don’t know if I really thought I could go through with it this time, or if I really thought I could do it without getting caught, or if I really even thought about it at all. I suspect I didn’t. One thing I have learned is that in fantasy there are no hurt feelings, no unwanted pregnancies, and no diseases. No recriminations, no ruined careers or lives, and very little remorse. It’s too bad fantasy sometimes become reality and it’s hard to know where the line is. I showered, put on some shorts, a T-shirt and my old huaraches, and took off in the Renegade.

Olivia’s was the last shop in a long section of them along the main drag. It was just before the commercial center of the village turned into residential and then, quickly, countryside. I stopped in Monroe’s Bookstore to look distractedly over the magazine rack before picking up a Trib. Next stop was across the street at The Mug on The Alley, where I ordered two regular Large Decafs to go. Right next door stood Portraits by O. I walked in with the Trib under my arm and the two coffees carefully balanced in one hand. A little bell rang as I closed the door, and immediately I heard the voice from the day before, calling down the stairs to my left. It was Billy.

“She’ll be right down,” I heard him say. Groggily? Maybe. It was hard to tell.

“No hurry,” I said back up the stairs. I looked around. Simply framed portraits covered most of two sides of the little room in the front of the shop, which was no more than ten feet by ten feet if you didn’t count the staircase. There were high school senior pretty girls and handsome young men, older couples in anniversary photos, children in all sorts of traditional poses, baseball teams, softball teams, soccer players. A doorway to the right led down a hallway, where I supposed the studio awaited. The back wall, behind a counter that held a small computer monitor and a clutter of papers, sported what I took to be the digital, manipulated interpretations of what O saw through her lens.

I heard footsteps on the stairs and slowly took my eyes from one of the more disturbing images. I turned to find Olivia watching me from the staircase. “Can I help you with something?” she asked.

“Oh, hi. You’re Billy’s wife, right?”

“Yes,” she said. “Olivia.”

“Right,” I said. “We met yesterday at Carlito’s.”

“Oh, sure,” she said, taking the last two steps into the room. No smile. “You’re not really his old friend at all, are you?”

“No, I’m not. How could you tell?”

“I know all of Billy’s old friends. Both of them,” she said.

“Both of them?”

“Sando and Mikey. The other guys you were drinking with.”

So she had paid attention, at least a little bit. “Yeah, sort of. Say, I noticed your sign and just wanted to see what your shop was like. I’ve done a little graphics work myself. In advertising.”

She looked insulted. “I don’t do commercial work,” she said. “Mostly portraits. Some straight, some of them I digitize and do things with.”

I turned back to the digital wall and took another look.  I could see what she meant by “things.”

# # #

Winter solstice, a bonfire, Saint Brigit and the bar

Late one winter evening…

So the love of my life and I went to a winter solstice celebration at Saint Brigit’s, because of course WTF else does one do the longest dark night of the year?

And it was a beautiful thing, with the singin’ and the music and the dark and the light and the bonfire at the end and I imagined meeting Niall Noígíallach in a stone hovel in Donegal.

And feelin’ holier than we’ve felt in months, with a full moon lightin’ the way, we made our way to a local establishment and bellied up to the bar…

…and I asked the young man behind the bar what he had in the way of an Irish whiskey as I saw none on the shelves behind him…

…and he says to me, he says, “We don’t have Irish whiskey, but we have 47 craft beers and a list of other spirits that you don’t really want and what can I getcha ta eat?”

Now there was a time I’d have stood up and left, but we made the best of a bad situation and drank some bourbon with milk stout and bitters and orange peels and whatnot and had a nice solstice evening after all was said and done.

And what did you do on the last Friday evening before Christmas in 2018?

The age of reflection

As someone who just acknowledged* the passing of yet another year since my birth, I couldn’t help but reflect a bit on how long I’ve been around.

I suspect some think I’m kidding when they hear me say I’m surprised to be here. While I am happily surprised, I am serious nonetheless. I would never have predicted this.

My written reflection will be brief, but the day and its inexplicable milestone status had me thinking more than usual about family and friends who died far, far too young.

I miss them. I hope to honor them this year by making it one of my best as a husband, father, grandfather, brother and friend.

Out walking around...
Out walking around…

* Celebrated would be an exaggeration. My actual age in human years is irrelevant unless you’re going to offer me a discount on something.

Dangerous thoughts on a Boulder trail

bike-197229The tall, slender man rolled fast toward me
on his bicycle, talking to the purple-haired
woman riding next to him, looking at his phone,
unaware of his likely imminent demise.

I had the body mass index advantage, I said
later. I had a helmet. I was going downhill
as he was going up. He was shirtless and the
road rash would be ugly if he even survived.

My bicycle was new, nearly scratch-free. I had
things to do, a looming deadline, bills to pay.
I shouted, too politely, and spared his life,
as I had with the oblivious guy the other day.

The next time he may not hear me and we’ll collide
but I swear in advance that I tried to avoid him
even though I was tempted to teach him a lesson.
I really don’t have time to waste in prison.


The path back to life in technicolor

I mentioned recently that I know what to do when my nemesis comes skulking around, wrecking my mood, sapping my energy, and sometimes rendering me grouchier than usual. It took me a good while to figure it out some years ago.

hot air ballloonYour own path back to the technicolor world is unique to you, but these things help me:

  • Bicycling. I’ve said before and it proved true for me again over the weekend, exercise always helps. You don’t have to ride fast or far, but ride — or run or walk or do something else that suits your capabilities and makes you feel good.
  • Talk about it or write about it. I’ve done both, the first with Mrs. Smith and with professionals on occasion, the second right here and elsewhere. Great combination for me.

It isn’t always easy to act. Getting results can take time.

Now, back to the final edit of my new crime novel.

Pedal on.


Nemesis begone

My nemesis had not stopped by in many months, maybe years, to remind me that it was still there, waiting. It returned almost imperceptibly.

The thing arrived in recent days like Sandburg’s fog, on little cat feet, while my attention was somewhere else. By this morning all the vibrant colors of the world had faded to black and white and then to drab shades of grey.

Sleep is a haven and waking unwelcome. Numbness is a blessing.

Now that I recognize the old signs I’d almost forgotten, I know what to do, what help I need to send this depression back to its dark lair. Maybe someday it will remain there.

For now, a little patience. Soon it will move on, and so will I.